That Door Closes Once Again, And Rightly So
by Munpin
Summary: For the last time, the ex-residents of the Service Club return to the place where everything has once begun. The end is near, but the road ahead is still unclear, and the final talk will decide how this road will look from now on.


**A/N****:** **the story happens after Vol. 12-13, so beware of spoilers!**

* * *

"This is the last one."

With an audible groan, I dropped a cardboard box full of who-knows-what on the pile of other boxes and straightened my back with relief. So that's what daily physical exercises in childhood were for. To prepare us for a life as a wage slave in the lowest possible position in the hierarchy they even went that far.

"Senpai, thanks for the hard work!" Isshiki said with a singsongy voice and slapped me on the back.

I turned around and gave her a reproachful stare. Of course, it was an overtime work without overtime pay, or rather without any kind of pay. If I told it to her, she would have probably said something like, 'Senpai, isn't my smiling face enough though?' and I didn't have any desire to deal with her jokes today. So I changed my words a little.

"Are you trying to run me ragged before tomorrow's graduation party?" I asked and flopped down on a bench.

"No-no-no, who do you take me for? I'll run ragged someone else, don't worry… Heeey, Tobe-senpaaai! You know, we ordered a small refrigerator for a Student Council room… well, about your size. It's on the first floor, would you bring it here, please? Ah, take your buddy with you!"

Tobe, who apparently couldn't make his escape in time just moaned in a despaired tone, 'C'mon, Irohasu…' but complied nevertheless. An unfamiliar guy with short hair followed him to the stairs.

"Who is this guy, by the way? Your crew is growing, I see."

"Oh, this one… this one…" Isshiki stared pensively at his back. "I wooonder… What was his name? Well, who cares, anyway? He is a talented box carrier."

Isshiki waved them goodbye with an innocent smile and turned to me with a sigh.

"So from now on, you have only a year left in our school, senpai. Time sure flies by fast, right?"

I simply nodded. What was the point of her words? There was still a year. Such a dialogue could lead only to a feeling of sadness, and yet she brought it up regardless.

She carefully adjusted her skirt and sat down beside me.

"You know, it would have been nice if it was one more year. We could graduate together, I guess. It's just, you see, it's harder and harder to work in a Student Council with each passing day. Secretary-chan and Vice-president-kun are flirting all the time and I'm tired of trying to be strict to them. If only you hadn't pushed all of it on me, it's all your fault!

I smiled and looked out the window. The sky, still bright and blue, was exactly as I remembered it.

"You'll make it somehow. No matter how much you try to fool everyone with this goofy attitude of yours, I have to admit…" I scratched the back of my head, "…you really are quite a capable kouhai."

Isshiki opened her mouth in shock and for a second forgot how to speak. She jumped to feet and quickly shook her outstretched hands.

"What the hell, do you have a crush on me, stop making moves on me, it's-troublesome-and-I'm-also-very-busy-with-a-student-council-work so ask again in the future, please, jeez!"

"I have a feeling that you distort this line more and more recently…"

Isshiki giggled and playfully stood on one leg with a finger on her cheek.

"I must make sure that you'll tell everyone in your future university what a cute kouhai you had in school, right?"

"I'm having unmistakable vibes of 'That's high in Iroha-points!' I muttered under my breath.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I said, you're completely right. My now-kouhai Komachi is unmistakably cute, after all, and the cutest one in the world on top of that. I'll eagerly tell anyone who asks about her!"

"Gross!" Isshiki jumped back.

No, not at all, hey… It's absolutely appropriate behavior when you have such an adorable little sister. If any guy decided to agree with me though, then I, as a caring brother, would kill him just in case. The court will let me go after this reasoning, so it's not a problem at all.

"Anyway, if you're done tormenting me, I'm leaving. Don't mess up with the upcoming prom… president."

Isshiki glared at me and lightly kicked me in a leg, but then, ignoring my 'ouch', she became more serious.

"Of course. I'll rehearse it to perfection and the next year I will send you off properly. You, Yukino-senpai, Yui-senpai, Hina-senpai, even Tobe-senpai…

Her voice dropped but she continued without a pause.

"…Hayama-senpai, of course."

"…"

It felt as the temperature in the hall dropped by two degrees. I looked at her but she just sighed, shook her head steadily and suddenly put a finger to my lips. Hey now, this move must surely be forbidden by the International Association for Protection of Boys' Feelings…

"M-hm. All of you. But especially the Service Club."

A usual smile returned to her face. Undoubtedly, since the moment I met her, Isshiki Iroha has changed. The smile was the same as always, but now I felt a hint of maturity hidden underneath.

"Hey, senpai…" a shadow fell on her face. "I know that it's not my business and all, but still… How everything is… Er…"

I didn't need to hear the rest of her question and immediately cut her off.

"Sorry, but I really have to go. I still got some things to do

"Ah! Yeah, no problem," she let out a strained laugh. "If even _you_ have things to do, then I'd better do some work as well."

"Yeah. Climb up in your chariot and push around your slave army to your liking. I'll get you a whip for your next birthday. Bye!

"Gross!" Isshiki jumped back again.

I raised my hand in a farewell and walked down the hallway without looking back. I didn't need to turn around to feel her sad gaze on my back, burning me like a fire.

* * *

The sound of my footsteps echoed through the empty hallway. The school was practically uninhabited today with only teachers, the Student Council, and a few clubs doing their business. Them and voluntary-compulsory helpers like me, of course. Still, even if Isshiki hadn't roped me in, I would have come here anyway.

Because I indeed had some business left.

The room was to open once again, now surely for the last time, by Yuigahama's request.

As I was standing about ten steps away from the Service Club room, I looked inside myself for a second. My mind was awfully clear. I didn't come to suggest any kind of resolution, nor to try and change people's minds. After all, a resolution was already made, and, frankly speaking, this meeting was a farce. A farce that I hated with a passion, but neither me nor her could ignore Yuigahama's request. I hated it and I hated myself for coming here and hated the tiny spark of hope which still lingered within my rotten soul regardless of all lessons life had taught me.

What will I feel in the future, looking back at this moment? And how should I know that this feeling won't be artificial, constructed by my brain to make me go further and forget about painful past? What moment can you clearly say that you know your feelings are right because otherwise you wouldn't feel them?

I could ask myself dozens of question but I couldn't get even one definitive answer. Surely, that's my lifelong curse.

I slid the door open, stepped into the familiar room and immediately noticed them. Something in my chest painfully tightened for a split second. Yukinoshita was standing near the window and Yuigahama was in a few meters beside her.

Pathetic fear has risen from the depth of my soul. I wanted to run away, shut this door and never, ever return, letting the slow poison which was called 'time' to kill any trace of my association with this room and these people.

Yuigahama was the first one to break the perceived tension.

"Hikki… Yahallo!" she raised her hand with a usual friendly smile.

With my hand still in the pocket, I returned her smile and decided to answer in the same manner.

"Yep. Yahallo."

Her eyes widened and she stared at me as if I was a ghost.

I shook my head discontentedly and sighed.

"No, it sounds very stupid after all."

_Such a fake._

"It sounds awesome!" she replied emotively.

_I'm truly disgusting._

Yukinoshita smiled with only the corners of her mouth and greeted me as well.

"Hello."

"Hey."

I glanced in her eyes and immediately looked away. Nothing changed since a week ago, nothing at all. And it was stupid to believe that anything can be changed now.

"Have you two been waiting long?"

"I've just got here," Yukinoshita shook her head. "We missed each other by about a minute or two."

"I've here for a while, for about fifty minutes, I guess? I have mistaken the hour somehow, haha… So I decided to take the key from the staff room before you." She awkwardly moved her hand along the hair.

What an outright lie. Could it be that instead of moving in the right direction we were just making excuses for ourselves, waiting for the dam to break and wreak such havoc, that even the most innocent thing will turn into a lie for the sake of lying? Please, at least for the last time… Stop.

As if she heard my thoughts, Yuigahama dropped her arm and said in a small voice.

"Actually, I came here beforehand because I wanted to. I wanted… to stay here a little longer."

Yukinoshita closed her eyes and nodded. Then all of a sudden she slid a finger across the window sill, raised it and studied for a few seconds. And uttered a single word.

"Dust."

"Huh?"

"So much dust here… It's only been a little while, but there was nobody to wipe it. Nobody to care. When I came in, I immediately noticed, and…"

Yukinoshita shook her head, unable to express her feelings. Deep sadness lingered in her eyes.

I looked at the table and noticed it as well. It wasn't that visible after such a short absence of club members, but the surface lost its original color. If she didn't point out that it was due to accumulated dust, then I would have racked my brain trying to understand why the colors were so faded even though I couldn't physically see anything that made them this way. Only focusing on the cause and not the origin. But Yukinoshita was able to immediately identify the correct reason for this bleakness.

Well, it's only natural. It would have been foolish of us to expect the room nobody was looking after to remain clean. Anything that people abandon eventually will be covered in a thick layer of dust. You can make yourself believe it's not a big deal, you can argue that it's clean enough as it is… But in the end, it's an illusion.

Yukinoshita sighed and wiped her finger with a handkerchief. Then she turned around and looked intensely at me and then at Yuigahama.

"I believe there is no time for small talk. The teachers wanted to leave a little earlier today, so we're making Hiratsuka-sensei wait until we return the key. Do you want to talk about something?"

Her words were gentle, but serious; soft, but straight to the point. This was, without any doubt, Yukinoshita Yukino's character.

Yet somehow it felt incredibly wrong, even now.

Yuigahama met her eyes and clenched her fists. Her voice was raised a semitone higher than usual.

"Do you?"

Yukinoshita blinked in surprise, even in astonishment, and smiled. And then told her with a soft voice as if she was speaking with a confused child.

"No. I believe that for the time being everything necessary has been already told."

"That so…" Yuigahama murmured.

She didn't press the matter further and instead turned towards me.

"What about you, Hikki?"

I was, of course, expecting this answer. Yuigahama was the person who believed until the very last that anything could be solved with words. But she is probably wrong after all. The last time we've tried to do it this way... It only led to a disaster. No, words were not for us. They could work for Yuigahama Yi, who could speak without the slightest hint of embellishment, with honesty and passion. The only problem was that she wasn't able to discern her honesty from her emotions. If we could, then things would have probably been much easier and much more clear. Unfortunately, we were devoid of such a dazzling opportunity.

And still.

"There is still a possibility that we can reach a proper conclusion," my voice was hoarse. "It is not unlikely that our ways of thinking right now are horribly distorted. It is not impossible that eventually we will understand each other and possible solutions."

As I continued to speak…

"The notion of time changes depending on the observer. Personal relationships are, too, just a brittle variable, and if they can be easily misunderstood and destroyed…"

I realized…

"…then it's safe to say that the opposite is true as well. If we remember everything that happened, if we will be able to correctly deduce the way to eliminate our shortcomings…"

That never once in my whole life I spouted so much bullshit in one monologue, not even once. If there ought to be a moment in my life when I was truly, undoubtedly pathetic, it was now.

"…The only thing that was missing was our willingness to accept that these problems are here already and solve the tangle accordingly…"

And that's why my voice eventually died out.

Ah… so it's finally over, huh. I thought that I already accepted it but here I was, still being a little surprised.

I raised my head to the ceiling.

The voice of the girl who always strived to find a correct answer was soft and kind, even though she could be seen as cold and uptight by others.

"Do you really believe it?"

"No," I didn't hesitate with my answer.

"I see," Yukinoshita simply nodded.

I looked in her eyes once again. She was looking straight in my eyes and there was nothing but tenderness inside.

I wanted to believe that she has seen the same in my eyes and understood everything. Let it be like this for the last time in this warm, but freezing room.

With my eyes, I urged her to wrap things up once and for all. Her wish was granted at the very least. A proper ending is something not too many people can have no matter what they wish for. It was, probably, the best interpretation of what me and her desired, because now, at this very moment, we finally had a proper understanding of each other, not misleading interpretations which were prone to errors. There was no need to correct our assertions anymore, no need to construct an image of each other over and over and over again, trying to incorporate it with familiar knowledge. Beauty, grace, and correctness were in this decision. They were the very qualities, which defined her, after all.

Yukinoshita nodded and started:

"If this is a case, then it's time to…"

"That's enough."

A sudden voice that belonged to Yuigahama echoed through the dusty room. It was so crystal clear and loud that it caused a speck of dust on a table to fly up and disappear from our sight.

"Your self-sacrifices… enough of them. I beg you."

Self-sacrifices? Talk about stirring up the past. For a second I felt an ill-favored annoyance. Refusing to look at her, I spoke with words that were full of determination.

"I'm not doing any kind of self-sacrifice. You are…"

"I wasn't talking to you, Hikki."

I stopped in tracks and looked at her.

Yuigahama with her fists tightly clenched was looking at Yukinoshita from under her brows. I saw a similar look on her face only once, on a road back from school. It was during the elections in the Student Council, when she accused both of us of egoism. And now these eyes were fixed on the ex-president of our club.

"Always, always, you were always like this. Every time. You were fast to blame Hikki for basically the same thing, yet was doing it yourself the next moment. Always. And now when you've pushed it too far, I'll stop you."

Yukinoshita met her honest gaze without any hint that these words caused even a slight disturbance. With a shake of the head, she quietly replied.

"No. I'm just looking for the correct decision. And I…we…have found it. Hikigaya-kun agreed with me as well."

"You know, Yukinon," not a muscle flinched on her face. "I truly love you. Very-very much. And I'm, you see, the kind of person who will constantly pamper people they love. It's wrong, I know, but that's how I am. If I asked you about it, you probably would come up with some clever words, like codependence or whatever. But this time I'll not let it slide."

Yuigahama took a deep breath and continued.

"Something bothered me for a long time now, and I… Hey, Yukinon, say. What do you think I'm talking about?"

Yukinoshita raised her brows. I shared her puzzlement. Because in this situation there was only one thing she could be talking about.

Yukinoshita deliberately slowly spoke out with ice in her voice.

"You are suggesting that I somehow made a self-sacrifice for you. It is really unfortunate that you believe it, but I hope you'll stop now, because things can turn…"

Yuigahama curled her lips. I've never seen such a crooked smile on her face and frankly, I don't want to ever see it again.

"Nope. You are sacrificing yourself for… yourself."

"…Come again?"

The unexpected answer startled Yukinoshita so much, that steel disappeared from her eyes and she blinked a few times, trying to comprehend her words. I could imagine that the look on my face was similar, because I expected anything but such senseless accusation.

Me and her looked at each other on instinct, but neither of us knew what was going on.

"I… can't explain it properly," Yuigahama's voice suddenly became shaky. "But you really do this thing a lot, just for yourself. It's like… One Yukinon is sacrificing yourself for another Yukinon. And every time, every single time it goes in one direction. Do you… understand what I'm talking about?"

"Absurd," Yukinoshita _hissed_. "No, I don't. You are playing with words without any idea what they actually mean."

Yuigahama violently shook her head and stared back at Yukinoshita. Now her eyes were clearly misted with tears.

"Maybe. I'm not you two. I'm not smart or anything. But you know, even if I sometimes can't comprehend difficult things, it doesn't mean that I can't feel and sense when something is wrong. Even when you were searching for your personal answers, when you thought that you were on the right path… you were sacrificing yourself for yourself."

Yukinoshita opened her mouth but immediately closed it. Apparently, she attempted to take her emotions in control. Why was she even reacting that strongly? Yes, Yuigahama's words were messy, illogical, but her reaction was out of place as well.

Instead, she asked me, still looking at Yuigahama.

"Hikigaya-kun?"

She asked for my opinion. Having tried to oppose Yuigahama's words, she met an unexpected amount of resistance and now wanted to know what do I think about it.

"I…"

Frankly, Yuigahama was wrong. I understood more or less what she was trying to say. No matter who we are talking about, essentially a person's personality is just a collection of masks, some of them closer to the surface of things, some further. And it's no wonder that sometimes we have to sacrifice one part of yourself to save another. This choice basically defines our motivations and behavior patterns, lifting things close to heart higher than others.

"I…"

If that's what she was talking about, then she was wrong. Because a choice, in the end, was made by us and it means that it's sincere. Right?

But why, disregarding my thoughts, my intuition was screaming at me that Yuigahama managed to tap into something important? It was not a question I could answer without proper preparing. In fact, I wondered if this question should be answered at all.

But Yukinoshita was waiting for my answer here and now. Not all things can be shelved for later.

So I slowly tried to come up with an answer.

"I can't really say for sure, but… I have a feeling that at the very least Yuigahama is not wrong."

Yukinoshita's face was unreadable. Looking back and forth at me and Yuigahama, she tried to comprehend what was the correct way of resolving this dialogue but could find nothing.

She moved to the window to gaze at the reddish sky. And said, with a quieter voice.

"I don't understand."

Yuigahama lowered her head and said and mumbled.

"I think… it's not that necessary to understand it, Yukinon. I think… there are things in our world which can't be understood by logic. And that things you can't calculate… are sometimes the most important things. Something like this…"

At this moment I suddenly felt that someone poured me over with cold water. When did I hear similar words? Where? Who said them?

''And you know, that's when the useless me could actually be quite useful… I think."

It was on a cold day. After a heavy dialogue when we couldn't come to an understanding once again.

"…I think that you are tearing yourself apart with every step you take, trying to justify it before yourself and others…"

My hand was warmed by a coffee can. Hiratsuka-sensei's words were gentle but very serious. I listened to her words, I remembered them and tried to act on them, only to forget once again. But did anyone told them to Yukinoshita?

I opened my mouth.

"She is right. I can't quite put a finger on it yet… but she is most likely right."

Yukinoshita turned to me once again, but I was looking in the other direction. Yuigahama, too.

The room fell silent. It's not that we were struggling with what to say, but for some reason, it felt inappropriate to break this silence.

And so, several minutes passed. The only sound that reached our ears was the rhythmic sound of a clock on the wall. But Yukinoshita finally sighed.

Her voice was full of pain and sorrow.

"Ambiguity… Yet again."

She wrapped her arms around her body, struggling to find warmth in an early March evening. Yuigahama swung forward, probably wanting to hug her, but changed her mind and stayed still, biting her lips.

I could understand her. Ambiguity, uncertainty and similar feelings, which were caused by too many possibilities how things could go, specifically, how things could go wrong. Yuigahama's intentions right now were unclear. In fact, it was probably safe to say that she wasn't sure about them herself. She just pointed out what seemed wrong to her.

But it wasn't enough to change anything for us at the end of the day.

Yet, Yuigahama spoke once more.

"And maybe that's why Yukinon can't even help yourself with the same methods she used for others."

She looked at me with a helpless smile, as if asking for confirmation. But I could neither nod, nor shake my head, and so Yuigahama continued.

"And it leads me to what I wanted to talk about initially. You see… I spent a whole hour in this room, and I decided to remember everything properly, even if it was painful. How I came for help with my cookies and met you. How chuuni Zaimo… Zaimokuza, I guess? – appeared… Okay, that wasn't really something I concentrated on. Anyway, one memory after another, I eventually reached a particular day in June.

A day in June? What was that day? I interrogated my memory. Yuigahama's birthday. Tokyo Cats and Dogs Show where we came with Komachi. Was there anything important?

Yuigahama turned towards me.

"Hikki, do you remember our… misunderstanding? How we met, how everything was a mess since then, how we couldn't understand each other intentions. And you even said that we didn't owe anything to each other and some other stupid things that you love telling so much.

Ah… That's what she was talking about. My heart ached when I remembered that time. I did say pretty hurtful words, right?

I'm sorry.

Not waiting for my answer, Yuigahama asked another person in this room.

"What about you, Yukinon? Do you remember? Like, clearly?"

"Yes," Yukinoshita turned to face her, but she was looking at the ground. Her voice was feeble. "I remember. What about it?"

Yuigahama walked towards her, but stopped nearby and pointed at the spot under her legs with her finger.

"You were standing right here. And when I was completely at a loss, not knowing what to tell Hikki, who was ready to put it to rest, you said…"

Yuigahama suddenly showed an awkward smile, as if she realized just how embarrassing this serious talk was.

"You said that everything was actually not that hard as it seemed, while to me it appeared very hard. What changed since then? What caused everything to go so wrong that I have to remind you of your own words?"

Yukinoshita raised her head and stared at her in surprise. Her mouth half-opened, but no sound came out.

Huh? Wait, what? This day, she said…

And that moment the words formed in my mind as if they were always here, waiting to break the thin glass.

_Neither of you are in the wrong._

_Regardless of who saved whom._

_You can make a proper, fresh start… it is not beyond the two of you._

I forgot how to breathe. These words were indeed told by a girl who now stood near the window, once again reminding me of a painting. In time, they were erased by a mountain of new memories, problems, experiences, and, of course, new misunderstandings. Once they were spoken in order to help solve a puzzle for two people who were walking around in circles, unable to let go of their past and continue moving forward.

At that time, we weren't all that familiar with each other, we were still in the beginning of our path. A burden of close relationships, invisible chains were not present that much, and maybe that's why these words came to her mind with such ease that day.

"That's why… I think we should end everything, here and now. Me. We. And you two."

Yuigahama moved slowly towards Yukinoshita, each word falling in a soft rhythm of her footsteps. She closed the distance, and with a serious look and hint of tears in the eyes put her arms around Yukinoshita's back. Yukinoshita swayed a little but managed to stay on her legs.

"…and properly start anew."

Yukinoshita peeked from Yuigahama's shoulder and looked at me. The look she had in her eyes was unknown to me. Perhaps, it was something akin to guilty hopefulness.

I know that we were asking each other the same question.

Is it really okay? No, rather… is it really okay to even _consider _it okay?

And I asked the girl with a hair bun.

"Do you truly believe you're okay with it?"

She nodded two times without hesitation. What a clumsy move, given that she was still hugging Yukinoshita.

"That's what I wish for. It's the best resolution for me, that's just how it is. If a sly egoist like me tells you so, just believe it. Self-sacrifice is simply not my style. I always play unfair, after all."

Yuigahama continued to whisper just loudly enough for me to hear.

"In time, I'm sure new complications will arise. But we will manage somehow… I think. But only if an old weight won't slow us down."

Yukinoshita tried to say something, but Yuigahama was faster. She made two quick steps away from her and let out an awkward laugh.

"Jeez, it's really embarrassing, huh? I probably said too much. And it was way too stiff, just like Hikki's essays. That reminds me, Hikki, Hiratsuka-sensei hit you in a solar plexus last week because of your report, are you okay now?

Yuigahama always was so good with words. She could make the dialogue flow in any direction she wanted, it was completely natural to her. I could never hope to acquire even half of this ability.

I smiled a little.

"She is no good with biology, thankfully… But my side still hurts."

Yuigahama giggled, spun around to face Yukinoshita and looked at me again.

"I'm leaving now, I think. I said everything I wanted and if it's not enough, I... I don't want to see it. My mom told me to come earlier because I should apparently fix my dress for prom. It's pretty much perfect, I think, but she's so delighted with this whole prom thing and nags me a lot, haha…"

Both me and Yukinoshita were silent as she moved towards the door. We just couldn't find any words. We weren't good with words, after all. And Yuigahama, well… It seemed like she was seriously embarrassed.

"When you finish with everything, do you think we could meet up, perhaps? Such a Chiba-maniac as Hikki probably can name dozens of places where we could go, and after Yukinon rejects half of them we can choose something together. What do you think? It's a promise, kay?

I nodded.

"Of course."

"That's great! Just give me a call, or write to me in LINE, and…"

"Yuigahama-san," Yukinoshita's firm voice interrupted her energetic response.

Yuigahama, who already reached out to the door, froze in place.

And then… today was really a day of reminiscences. Yukinoshita repeated words which I heard just a week ago near the school. Her voice was so soft and warm...

"When the prom ends, let's get lunch together. And sometime soon, I'd like to stay at your apartment overnight… it will be difficult to at my current residence. Spring is coming, too, right? We could go somewhere again… Destinyland or Seaworld. And then, later, we can do all sorts of things together…"

Yuigahama closed her eyes. A happy smile appeared on her face. Her energetic voice was refreshing, as usual.

"Yup!"

And with this last word, she left the room.

The room was once again filled with silence. My eyes found the lonely figure, who was standing there lit by the rays of the evening sun. She looked at me for a brief second, but turned away quickly and stared outside.

Just like the first time I was brought here, and like every time I opened the door to the clubroom, I was fascinated by this familiar, yet mysterious sight. This figure and this room were inseparable, that's for sure. But while the room can't truly exist for me without this person, could this person exist in a world beyond the room? Would she be willing?

Her voice disrupted the flow of my thoughts.

"This girl is a ball of energy. Of very chaotic, unstable and illogical energy. She can speak and speak forever regardless of what is right and what is wrong. How can she do it so easily…"

"Better than that guy Tamanawa at least."

"It goes without saying. I wonder what the Service Club would be like if it was him and not Yuigahama-san."

"Not really sure, but probably very TRANSFORMATIVE and GROUND-BREAKING."

I answered absentmindedly, spouting jokes without thinking about them much. Jokes wasn't what was needed at the moment, but it was so safe under their cover when a serious matter loomed ahead.

"Still… such sophistry, all of this," I murmured.

"Your favorite."

I moved my suddenly tired body to the window. For some reason, I wanted to look at the sun, which was already half past the horizon line. I squinted and tried to look even further, to see it's full shape. But it was impossible, of course. The only way to see it is to wait for tomorrow when it will rise in its full glory. It will be seemingly the same sight, but make no mistake, due to our perception it couldn't be called the same never ever again.

I had to hear her opinion.

"What do you think?

Yukinoshita gently moved aside a strand of her hair, still staring at the same sky. Was this sky similar in our eyes?

"As of now, it's still too early to think about all of this properly. Time is needed."

"Yukinoshita's RAM memory is not her strong point, huh."

She glared at me silently, asking what I was talking about and suggesting that I should just shut up. 'Sorry, sorry,' I answered her with my eyes.

"But…" she bit her lip. "Seriously, that girl… to start anew… there is no reset button in life. I already made a decision, I shouldn't… couldn't afford to be wrong anymore."

A reset button. I believe I had such a thought in the past, that there was no reset button in life, but at least you can reset your relationships. How ironic, considering its meaning then and now.

In a way, we are doing it subconsciously every single day. Revaluating our decisions over and over again, drawing invisible lines that separate past from present in many aspects of your lives. And now I think it's a necessary process. Because if it's not, then…

Then Komachi will never able to grow and thank me for everything once again as she did before.

Then Tsurumi Rumi will remain an unwilling loner for the rest of her life.

Then I wouldn't be able to eventually celebrate Hiratsuka-sensei's marriage. On a side note, someone, please, hurry up and take her.

Then spring, trapped underneath the snow, will never be able to sprout.

I refuse to change because of social pressure and superficial matters, I said it before and I'll say it again. Yet, there was another kind of change, the change initiated willingly, based on your own desires and decisions.

"Hey."

I decided to clear out one more thing. I've already tried to do it but ultimately failed. Maybe simple words have the power to do it, after all?

I tried to say it as honestly as possible, because I truly, without any ulterior motive believed in my words.

"That codependency stuff… I think it's not true. I understand why is that so important to you though, but still... I can't see how our relationship was born of codependency and I don't want you to think this way. Maybe there is a grain of truth in her words… In fact, it's almost certainly so. Especially in the past, that's for sure."

I tried to sneak a peek at her expression, but couldn't get a good look at her face.

"Still, I think that someone just gave Haruno-san a psychology book and she got carried away a little. You know, 'medical students' syndrome'."

"You're missing the point," Yukinoshita shook her head.

"Huh?"

Yukinoshita turned back from the window and finally looked me in the eyes.

"The Service Club is now no more. It was probably the greatest malefactor in our problems. Paradoxically, it was also a place that allowed as to meet and to meet face to face with many of our problems. It was the place where our opinions clashed, where we would misunderstand, create even more problems and complicate everything."

She sighed.

"But it was just a one, rather long page of a novel. A necessary evil that will always be a part of my fondest memories. If we continue to make the same mistakes even after all this… then we are truly hopeless."

"This means…"

Yukinoshita nodded.

"It is not beyond us. Especially if both you and Yuigahama truly believe that it's possible."

With these words, Yukinoshita smiled beautifully. Her eyes sparkled in the last rays of sunset. Her words, her demeanor, her whole being was so entrancing that I was lost in admiration. If feelings couldn't be calculated after all, then what was the proper way of dealing with them?

Suddenly I felt a huge surge of relief in my chest. If even she said so, then it surely must be true. After all, it was probably me all along who depended on her opinion, not the other way around.

A strange and dangerous mood took reign over me, and I couldn't fight it. After all, we shouldn't run from dangerous things and instead take them head-on, right? At least this one time, right?

I took a step towards her. And another one. The distance between us rapidly shortened and I was able to notice every feature on her face, from her long eyelashes to thin slightly red cheeks.

"H-Hikigaya-kun…" she quickly took a step back, but it was such a small step that the distance between us remained almost unchanged.

I don't want to be wrong. Life has taught me many lessons, and loner rules were seared into my brain. I'm scared of not knowing. Everything in me screamed and begged me to stop, insisted that I was wrong, that I was mistaken once again.

With a slightly trembling hand, I touched her shoulder. Yukinoshita flinched and instinctively placed her hand on mine, as if trying to shake it off, but instead tightened her long fingers on mine. Her pupils went wide.

She unconsciously raised her other hand, and I grabbed it reflexively. In this position, we resembled a pair of dancers. What a perfect allusion considering tomorrow's prom…

Today I walked here knowing that everything will end. What I didn't realize was that an ending doesn't prevent another beginning from happening.

A whole kaleidoscope of emotions rushed in her eyes. Uncertainty, panic, hesitation, doubt. Damn it, even now I could discern only negative emotions, how pathetic of me. I'll be sure to work on it in the future because it was a real pity that I couldn't read something more uplifting in her eyes.

I leaned toward her and our lips met. In the last moment before I closed my eyes I could see her doing the same thing.

It was such an awkward, tentative and helpless kiss. A perfect metaphor of our relationship.

When it ended, I was slightly out of breath. Even though the feeling of euphoria blocked almost everything else, I could still feel raising embarrassment. It's too much. I was too hasty. Coming to senses, I tried to find correct words, but…

…She put her hand around my neck and pulled me a little closer.

So stubborn. Refusing to lose even in this situation. That's fine though, I don't mind it in the slightest.

Turns out, the cliché line 'I don't know how much time has passed' was more or less true. The actual time was surely unaligned with strict sounding ticks of a clock.

Was there anything able to disrupt this moment?

"Hey, guys, Yuigahama promised to return the key in about an hour, so…"

Yukinoshita immediately recoiled from me and turned towards the door in panic. I, too, moved my hands away at the same moment.

Hiratsuka-sensei was standing at the entrance with a shocked expression and with her mouth open. Like a fish, she moved her lips but was unable to form concrete words. This task was way too difficult for her now.

"Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Yukinoshita's voice was pretty much calm. She carefully adjusted her collar.

Her next word was probably heard in a connected building.

"Knock!"

Hiratsuka-sensei squealed like a small animal and instantly dashed out. The fast sounding footsteps were heavy and erratic: a mouse was running for her life from a furious cat.

Yukinoshita breathed heavily. Her tense, eerie gaze was still focused on the door. Red light from the window accentuated the color of her face. Should I run as well? I never saw her behaving like this before, so naturally I hesitated.

"H-hey…" I started cautiously. "You alright?"

She made a sharp turn, but after seeing my face she took a deep breath and steadied her breath. She put a hand to her chest and nodded.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for such a loud noise but rules of etiquette dictate that one should always knock before entering the room where another person may be present."

"Y-yeah, right… Hooray for etiquette…"

Yukinoshita was strangely calm apart from this incident. Was I the only one who felt embarrassed? Come on, it's totally not fair. Shouldn't a girl be like, 'kyaa' or something… Isn't it considered a norm of etiquette as well?

She sighed deeply.

"So. What now?"

My brain tried to relocate its resources to worldly matters. After all, the mood was now destroyed by a certain teacher. A monster of logic should be able to protect his title even in a situation like this.

"Well, I guess, we should return the key. After this… we should call Yuigahama, as we promised. It's bad to make her wait too long."

"Oh, right. So we are not continuing. Makes sense. Let's go," her voice was fast and abrupt.

Wait-wait-wait, what, continue what? It was an option? What the hell is going on here?

I was gravely mistaken, it seems. It wasn't her calm attitude; it was an extremely stressed behavior.

* * *

When we both got ready I followed Yukinoshita in the hallway. We weren't looking at each other. It was a little embarrassing for me… No, it was so embarrassing that I could die. And she could hide it as long as she wanted, but now I could clearly see the same feeling on her face.

After all, she didn't mention what happened. At all. I hope she sustained only minor and temporary brain damage.

She closed the door and stared at the key in her hand. This room was already meant to be locked forever, but we opened it once more. Now, though, there was no reason to hesitate. The Service Club's activities were over and our lives as its members came to an end.

"Hey… can I lock it?" I suddenly asked.

Yukinoshita looked at me in confusion.

"I never held this key, so I kinda… want to. No good?"

"I don't see why not," she nodded.

She stretched out her hand. Carefully, I took the key from her. Speckles of warmth flew through my fingers the moment our hands touched.

I took a step forward and locked the door with one swift move. There. Now it's finally over. As I looked at it one final time my heart ached a little. I'm sure I'll remember it in the future many times. And I don't know what kind of feelings I'll experience. Many things happened here and even more seeds were planted that are yet to sprout. I wanted to ask correct questions and find correct answers to them, but it was only half of the whole picture.

The future was so uncertain that I shivered.

Suddenly I felt a light tug on my sleeve. I looked at Yukinoshita.

The hallway was dark, so I couldn't discern her features. Her shadow figure was all that I could see. And still, I somehow knew that a familiar smile, which she started showing to me and Yuigahama some time ago, was playing on her face. I remembered how soft her hands were. I knew for sure that there was an unbending will in her eyes and subtle ever-persisting loneliness.

As long as I knew it we could continue searching, making mistakes and starting anew as many times as it was needed.

I nodded silently and we went down the dark hallway, never stopping in our tracks.

* * *

**End Note****:**

**So, Oregairu**** is finally ending, ****huh**.** It's only three more days until the official release of the 14th volume.**

**It brings back lots of memories. When exactly did I discover this series, I wonder? I guess it was 2013. Six years ago. Time runs fast, all right.**

**The only thing I want to say is that that Oregairu**** was among a few series in my life which I wished would never end, even though I eagerly await for the proper closure. I wanted to send it off somehow, so I decided to write a fic at the very least.**

**Now I'm off to buy some cheap tableware which I'll smash in anger if it's not a Yukino end.**** Watari, do your job properly, man!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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